These are the words that I read on a Sunday morning, as I was crying in the house thinking about my current circumstances. This was posted by another mom of triplets who has been a huge encouragement to me. The words struck a chord so deep within me, right at the moment I read it because I had spent the whole morning thinking about just how out of my comfort zone these past few months have been.
I am an introvert y'all. My ideal day would be in my house on a fall day (ok early winter day in Texas) with the windows open, a favorite candle lit, music playing, and some sort of baking or craft project happening, while my son plays with his toys. I don't need to talk to anyone, or be around anyone probably for weeks on end. (That sounds kind of scary I know...but I think that is the truth). There are the exceptions of going the few places a week that I really enjoy like playdates, church, storytime, etc. But for the most part, I can always seem to find something to do, to stay busy or entertained by myself in my comfy little home. But that is not how my days look anymore, nor will they look like that in months/years to come. I am being STRETCHED, and very far out of my comfort zone. I now live in a home that is not mine, I don't drive a car that I am used to, there are people coming in and out of the house almost daily to help me with my son, meals, and laundry. My son is almost 2 so we are also in a crucial discipline stage that is on display for all to see. My parenting is watched by many, which I am sure can be comical at times. There is someone around 24/7 making sure I am not doing too much. My body is physically not able to do the things I am used to, and my new reality is walking from one room to the next gasping for breath, being dizzy or feeling like I may deliver a baby at any minute. My life has literally changed drastically in the past 3 months, more so than I could EVER imagine. All of these things have put me in a state of uneasiness, because all of this is way out of my comfort zone.
I have a control issue. THERE I ADMITTED IT!!!!! I am a planner, I have thought many times over that I am in "control." (Insert laughing now...... ) People who are close to me know that I probably over use the saying "That is out of control" way too much, always in reference to things that don't pertain to me of course...... or does it??? ;)
I am "Out of Control" but I am now THANKING GOD FOR THAT!!! After I had my pity party for myself yesterday, I sat here and talked to my husband about how far out of my comfort zone I am being stretched on a daily basis, spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. Our conclusion....THANK GOD! Many people struggle with many different things, mine being planning, control, etc. I am thankful that God is literally shattering anything and everything I thought I had control of or took comfort in and "giving me a life outside of my comfort zone." Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I haven't done a little kicking and screaming along the way.
I am learning to really embrace what I have only "said" in times past...."home is wherever you make it." I said those words, I didn't live it our believe it, cause I had my little house with my husband and son, and sure that was my home. I now realize home is literally where we are and where Christ is with us. I am learning that community is really opening your door to those around you to come, and see you vulnerable, and to be apart of your life's mess....dirty laundry, parenting, toys, you name it. Not just a group that meets once a week and has small talk. I am so thankful for the deepening relationships that are taking place at this time, and probably wouldn't have if I wasn't walking this road right now.
I think for years, I was living a life of "comfort" but it was really a picture of false perfection that I had painted. There is something freeing to me that God has literally stripped that away from me, and is allowing me to be in a state of complete surrender and STRETCHING me so far out of my comfort zone, that I can't help but to sit here and marvel and thank him for teaching me these lessons. I don't want to have gone a day longer thinking I could maintain my life myself, or that I was deserving of the "cheap" comforts I had. Take the nursery for example, when we thought we were expecting "one" child, I had big dreams for a sweet decked out nursery.... you learn that you are having three and you go into complete survival, necessity, minimalistic mode. What do I need to keep them comfortable and alive??? That is what will be in the nursery.
When I look back on literally just a few short months ago before all this happened, my life kind of looked to me like a pretty "Pinterest" board (don't get me wrong I love Pinterest, and continue to pin things that are for the most part completely unrealistic), but there is no way I could have kept that up, I may have tried, but at the end of the day I am so thankful for God's divine intervention in turning my world upside down and allowing me to be a part of a story bigger than I could have EVER dreamed of! Filled with ways to grow me and STRETCH me into lessons I would have never allowed myself to be taught.
And now for the physical STRETCHING taking place...WOW! I am close to 21 weeks and we went to the Dr. last week. We were beyond thankful for the news that the girls should be measuring around 10 oz, but all 3 are weighing in at 13oz each!!!! Y'all better watch out because this is going to be one BIG momma before it is all said and done! Here is our 20 week picture.....there is just overall a lot of STRETCHING going on these days!